Depression is a Lying Bastard Fest

[untonuggan]

It has come to my attention that it is That Time of Year again for most people with SAD in the Northern Hemisphere, and that for many other folks Bad Things and/or Anniversaries seem to be piling up. At times like this, it is hard to remember that Depression is a Lying Bastard and that it *does* get better again.

So! A friend and I came up with the Depression is a Lying Bastard Fest. There are many ways to participate in comments below:

• a gratitude list (because there are still good things in the world) or a list of good things
• something you are proud of (a la the Monday Pride thread)
• a funny poem (limmericks work well here)
• cute things! animals, babies, whatever floats your boat!
• anti-winter and/or anti-depression manifestos! This can be in the form of a poem or a simple declaration of "Fuck you, brain weasels, and your lying ways! I will not believe your lies!"

Feel free to comment on someone's comment if you find it particularly moving, but please keep things positive. Anonymous comments are currently turned on. (Please don't abuse them.)

If this grows and becomes very popular, or if you have more ideas, feel free to spread the Depression is a Lying Bastard Fest to your own journal or comm! Also, I would love it if you linked back here so that we got more participants. ^_^

Comments

Gratitude List

[untonuggan]

• My memory is slowly improving


• I met a cool person yesterday at the yarn store


• My family is super supportive (even though sometimes that annoys me)


• I might get to take a weaving class (how awesome is that???)


• Even though Glitch is ending, it was a really cool experience and I'm super glad I got to play

So, brain weasels, you are really pond scum and I think you are the ones who are useless burdens that should go away, not I. So *there*. :P

Re: Gratitude List

[31stcentury]

Even though Glitch is ending, it was a really cool experience and I'm super glad I got to play

agree times a zillion! I like to tell myself that knowing the time there is limited makes it....more valuable? or something.

oooh weaving! that sounds super interesting!

Gratitude List

[alee_grrl]

I am thankful for:

• my heart family (those that have become family through love and time)
  
• the numerous adorable (if slightly neurotic) animals that are also a part of my heart family and cuddle time with said animals
  
• music, books, and other forms of entertainment that engage the heart as well as the mind
  
• poetry
  
• my friends in real life and online; I am blessed to have met some truly amazing people
  
• having a doctor who believes in healing the patient and not just masking the symptoms--now if only I could figure out a way to copy him so others could benefit from his care
  
• coffee and hot tea because there is something wonderful about wrapping my cold hands around a warm mug, breathing in the scented air of its contents and enjoying the warm mouthfuls of tasty beverage
  
• the internet for all its cute animal pictures and vids, easy access fanfiction, and dreamwidth
  
• dreamwidth because it is made up of awesome and amazing people and is a lovely community

So take that demons of doubt. There are too many brilliant lights here; your shadows must disperse.

Re: Gratitude List

[pipisafoat]

the internet for all its cute animal pictures and vids, easy access fanfiction, and dreamwidth
yes! agreed x 10,000,000.

goodness list

[31stcentury]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

• there are only 24 days until the solstice and then the days grow longer again. yay, that sounds soon!

• I just found a wee stack of postcards (not from anyone but souvenirs of some past trips I went on) while looking for something else. yay memories of good things! I am gonna put them up around my desk. and one of them reminds me there is a webcam near that same place (link) so I am gonna add that on my ipad. windows into goodness!

• this mango jam I am having on toast is delicious (and mango anything reminds me of warm weather and sunshine)

• I just saw a steller's jay at my feeder and i just love their blue colour

• the way my ex-roommate who lives in another town now came all the way here just for my birthday dinner, and that she and her daughter stayed with our neighbours (because I love that they all became friends)

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Re: goodness list

[alee_grrl]

Mango and tropical fruit are great reminders of warm places for me too!

Hope your birthday was/is fabulous!

[pipisafoat]

maybe I spent all week hiding from people & productive work, but I sure did write a lot of actually pretty good words! and I accomplished (well, some of it am still accomplishing, but there is accomplishment happening!) all that work I was hiding from last night & today. take that, winter!

also that I have recently made some "self-indulgent" purchases to make my winter nicer. like some delicious new teas, and a cushy fuzzy mitten-type ice scraper for my car in the mornings, and a couple DVDs of things that keep depression at bay. and the fabric & a pattern for a cloak that I have wanted for years. (it has been decided that yarning it will take forever & also irritate me & also cost a ton, so. fabric it is.) maybe it's not the most practical thing, but it will be awesome! plus, the joy of having hand-made myself something on the still-hard-for-me sewing machine.

also it is cranberry sauce season

[alee_grrl]

All wonderful and fabulous things. I really should contemplate getting one of those fuzzy mitten ice scrapers. Some mornings my gloves are not enough.

[spiralsheep]

::dances with everyone who would like to dance::

[cesy]

*dances*

[striped]

Found this via amethystfirefly, leaving a limerick because limericks are awesome!


There was a young woman from Norway
Who hung by her toes in the doorway.
She said to her beau,
"Just look at me, Joe!
I think I've discovered one more way!"

[untonuggan]

That makes me giggle so much you have no idea. <3

[cesy]

I have discovered a new way to cheer myself up: http://www.tumblr.com/likes. I save all the best cute things, and then they are there for me later. For example, chemistry puns and a puppy having a bad day and a cat with some butterflies.

[alee_grrl]

Chemistry Cat! <3 <3 <3

The other two are also absolutely adorable!

[kaberett]

Unlike this time last year:

• I don't have any funerals to go to in the next week (so far, fingers crossed, etc).
  
• I have a wheelchair.
  
• My research project is BEHAVING ITSELF and I have DATA that makes SENSE. And I am not so depressed that 5am is a regular occurrence in my life.
  
• my room is full of lovely people being lovely. They are having a detailed conversation about the Brazilian for pineapple, and we shall probably shortly be making apple crumble or something, and we are working our way through the entirety of Buffy and plotting badfic (Xander has hopeless schoolboy crush on Angel, Angel provides pity shag, Xander is simultaneously horrified & relieved to discover that Xander wears socks in bed, etc etc).
  
• The increased dose of anti-depressants is more-or-less working after a fashion.
  
• I am in a position to actually be applying for PhD programmes and... I am baffled and overwhelmed by how positive people are being in response to my queries? But also really flattered?
  
• ... my life is full of wonderful people, really. I couldn't do this on my own.

And something I'm proud of: I've started putting together a small notebook of lovely things people have said to me, and poems that make me feel safe and loved. It is wonderful, and really really helpful.

[jesse_the_k]

Exxxxxcellent.

I have a vitamin L (for love) bank envelope where I keep all the cards and letters and birthday pix with pals. It's at the center of my desk so it's handy to remind me that depression LIES and I am love worthy.

[littlebutfierce]

* I just (a week ago today) got another tattoo that I adore
* Next month I am seeing one of my favorite bands 4 times in 4 different cities

&... uggggggggggh a general "fuck you, brainweasels!" from me. ^_^;;;;;;;;;

[untonuggan]

*jedi hugs* Fuck the fucking brain weasels!

Good things!

[green_knight]

(I've crossposted a longer version to my own blog)

- I was offered a temp assignment covering for an real, fully-fledged editor. (I'm a copyeditor/freelancer/occasional temping at publishers). And I stepped into the editor's shoes and did all of the things I was told to do and did them well without needing supervision.
- I've done a lot of working on how I think and what I need to know in order to master complex skills, and I've broken through a number of walls. This doesn't yet completely translate to the page in my writing, but I'm starting to see the first results, and I'm loving it.
- I went to a meetup for a blog I occasionally read and it was full of awesome people, and awesome conversations were had.
- I finished one of my personal side projects, a Filemaker database focussed on what the next step in any given project is. And it contains items that I want to do which I can do when I can't brain and items that will only take a few minutes for when I feel I haven't achieved anything that day, and items I can tackle when I feel particularly inspired to Do Something. Depression/Anxiety is constricting my focus, this is helping to open it up again in a non-threatening, non-overwhelming manner, because I can just Hide All The Scary Things if I need to.
- I have truly awesome friends.

Re: Good things!

[untonuggan]

\o/ So glad that you found some good things, and that you even have a longer list to share on your own journal. *jedi hugs*

[staranise]

Depression really is a liar. It's a thief. And the things it says are wrong.

I'm a therapist. I've been through depression, had more friends than I could count with depression, and now I treat people with depression. And you know, so many people who are deeply depressed think they can't accomplish anything meaningful, lack self-worth, or believe they're awful... but so many of them accomplish things despite the incredible handicap in their way. They learn and work and create. They love and help others and bring value to their communities. The world is a better place because of them.

Which they don't believe. I remember what it's like not to see any of that. So it gives me patience when these people struggle to see the world beyond the dark veil. Sometimes the first step is to be okay with being depressed, to accept that there's nothing awful and evil about feeling this bad; to give yourself permission to hurt and doubt and struggle without thinking you "should" feel better.

But sometimes I wish brainweasels were real so I could pull them out of a client's head and send the person down to the cafe for a coffee, while I, the brainweasels, and a big stick talk about how terrorism is not an appropriate way of getting what you want.

[alee_grrl]

But sometimes I wish brainweasels were real so I could pull them out of a client's head and send the person down to the cafe for a coffee, while I, the brainweasels, and a big stick talk about how terrorism is not an appropriate way of getting what you want.

I love this imagery! Would be so nice if we could actually do that. :)

[smw]

1. For the first time in weeks, I am writing at length and happily.
2. Not only do I have fantastic people, but so do many of the commenters in this fest. Awesome!
3. Despite the self-perception that I am failing academically, I continue to receive positive feedback and high grades from my professors.

In regards to that last one: no, weasels, I am not a fool hiding behind pretty words.

[pipisafoat]

3. Despite the self-perception that I am failing academically, I continue to receive positive feedback and high grades from my professors.

In regards to that last one: no, weasels, I am not a fool hiding behind pretty words.

me too.
(my brain likes to say "and the words aren't even pretty. these are pity grades." even though i know that isn't true, either! i have very pretty words and also i know my shit. maybe i should tattoo that somewhere on me. the insides of my eyelids maybe.)

[31stcentury]

I was typing away at my work and suddenly remembered the "future-oriented" bit of our conversation this morning. so imma do a list of "things I'm looking forward to" if I can manage it. uhhhhh, which apparently I can't right this minute (I think mostly because I'm hungry and unable to look past "go put dinner in me") but I feel like if I say it here I'm more likely to really do it.
also I would like to know what other people are looking forward to! if anyone feels like sharing that kind of thing!
*runs off to kitchen*

[pipisafoat]

(I am the person who looks forward to school ending and then skips ahead a month to the next thing to anticipate: school starting again.)

[delight]

I have antidepressants for the first time in a month after a pharmacy snafu and some money issues.

Now I just need the two weeks for them to kick back in. And I can keep going for two weeks. I have to, I don't have any other choice; death is not an option anymore. Two weeks isn't that long.

[southernmyst]

Hooray for having the drugs you need! Two weeks isn't long *hugs* I'm sure you'll make it.

[donutsweeper]

Some things I look at to remind myself of when needed. Maybe they'll help someone else too.

[untonuggan]

I *like*. Also, Stephen Fry ftw!

[recessional]

Good things:

- I have just discovered a lovely new restaurant with good sushi, utterly sweet waitresses and adorable cups that fit right in my hand.

- all evidence points to my employers liking me and valuing my work.

- I have people who care about the creative things I am doing.

- my cat loves me a lot

- I have a functional and loving if idiosyncratic relationship with my immediate blood family, and can at least be in a room with most of my extended family without wanting to hit them with a brick.

[untonuggan]

\o/

[erika]

I hereby offer the "brain weasels are like bad code" analogy up for any other software engineer / giant computer geeks it may help.

(If this does not help you, or you find it offensive, I hope you realize that was not the spirit in which this was intended.)

Credit should also go to nonethefewer for our synchronous spawning of this analogy. I honestly couldn't tell you who thought of it first and I'm willing to bet she couldn't either. That having been said:

All types of brain weasels can be likened to buggy code. When you realize that it's having unwanted, unintended effects in your life, so you try to debug it yourself. After all, you wrote the code your brain runs on, right? ... well, maybe not.

Think about it. As you grew up, your parents, family members, teachers, peers, friends, youth groups, etc all gave you ideas, gave you opinions, gave you advice, demanded that you follow [perhaps arbitrary] rules & commands, gave you homework and often you were told: "listen to X, they are teaching you things." Many of the things they taught you were helpful. Some of the ideas they passed along are not.

Plus, it's not like you could control your literal genetic code, or how that was influenced by your socioeconomic environment, or your psychosocial environment, for that matter. So... you begin to realize, perhaps, this is a bigger endeavor than you thought.

Cruft! Bad ideas! Legacy coding, in other words. It's old, and it's buggy, and you very well might not be able to fix it yourself because this is all legacy code.

Don't be afraid to ask others for bug-fixes and patches. Don't be afraid to consult an expert, like a therapist or a psychiatrist or other psyche-healer or whomever has training in this that you're comfortable bringing it to.

Sometimes when I think of my brain this way, it makes it easier to be compassionate towards myself. "Awww, brain, you're all stuck in a do-while loop," I think. "Have you considered arrays? Pythonic tuples?"

It's okay, brain of mine. You were partially coded way back in 1985; come on, COBOL was cutting edge back then. I'm not getting RID of the programs—nope nope—this is just an upgrade. It'll be as gentle as possible, I promise.

I also like this analogy because ... debugging code is just a thing that has to happen. There's no real value judgment attached: you're not a WORSE programmer because you have to debug your code. In fact, I'd argue that the best programmers debug their code as frequently as required and ask expert advice whenever necessary.

(Plus, it helps me not to smash people's faces in when they say shit like "MOAR WILLPOWER will overcome your clinical depression!" It's like awww, it's like you're secretly a commodore 64, still around! still got your CPU in your keyboard! still demagnetizing tapes because they're stored on top of the tape drive like the manual says to do!)

[green_knight]

Legacy code is such an awesome way of thinking about it. And at the time, it made perfect sense and was the best that you could do, and it did the job. With hindsight, you can do better.

"Moar Willpower will make your legacy code run better" is such an awesomely nonsensical statement that anyone should see through that. It's not practical advice.

[alexseanchai]

Wrote four thousand words this month. Not up to my usual standard (my words for the year as of end of May was 62K) and not up to my monthly goal (NaNo), but my words for the year as of beginning of October was still 62K and now my words for the year are 72K and my November words are four thousand fucking awesome words.

Put nearly four hundred books in boxes and set aside another one hundred plus (actual total probably nearer two hundred) to sell or otherwise be rid of.

This weekend I am going to the Philly LGBT square dance club's glitter ball. This marks the second time ever of my actual physical presence being at an event where the attendees are predominantly My People, the first time being the Pride fest earlier this year.

The math says I can get out of debt entirely and have enough saved up to move into my own apartment by the beginning of October 2015 and I am fucking well going to do it. My progress towards that goal is going to be minimal for a while, between Giftmas and that last course for my associate's, but I'm almost done Giftmas shopping and the last tuition payment is March and the last car payment is May and that will free up a whole bunch of paycheck.

[untonuggan]

I am in awe of all your things. Go you! *throws internet confetti*

good things

[jjhunter]

blankets, thick and warm
heavy with old purrs and sleepy comforts
places where I am expected
roof and hearth and fire on demand
digital forests of narrative
the scent of rosemary
galaxies of star dust, story dust, wonder
and fusion awe-everything
expectation that I will grow
and support when I wobble
audience-partners for art and
that certain quality of light
when it is honey-thick and gilds the world anew

Re: good things

[lynnoconnacht]

Oooooh, that's lovely. <3

[southernmyst]

Hiya, I hope you don't mind me crashing your party ... I followed you from 3_good_things_a_day. This is a wonderful sort of post, and just the sort of thing I think I need more of in my life, so I thought I'd just jump in and have a go.

Things I'm grateful for include ...
* More than words can describe, I'm grateful that my recent immigration application was approved. The implications of this (being able to stay in my own home, not being separated from my beloved for an indeterminate number of months or years) are so wonderful.
* Being financially comfortable, for once.
* A great support network of friends here, that is ever-strengthening.
* My ability to always entertain myself.
* A wonderful husband who is supportive, caring, intelligent, and so much more.
* That I'm able to see and appreciate the change of the seasons these days.
* That stories like this are so easily believable. I'm glad there's enough good left in the world for that.
* A local woman is putting together an "Inspire Festival" aimed at inspiring the community. I'm grateful there's people with such positive ideas and initiative still in this world, and indeed in my own community.

Things I'm proud of include ...
* Surviving the long, arduous journey that has been immigrating. Five years of uncertainty and fear. Five years of sporadic arguments solely down to the stress of it all. Five years of making up and making the conscious decision and effort to NOT let the state rip us apart. Not everyone survives this journey - which is part of the point, as far as the state's concerned. Up yours, UKBA.
* Becoming more adept with GIMP and so being able to make our photos look better.
* Went through last year's Christmas cards last night; I'm proud of myself for looking at all of these and being happy that I was thought of, and not letting Depression and its evil brain weasels even try to convince me of any silliness like they just sent these cards because they felt obliged.

:-)

[31stcentury]

I'm not liz but pretty sure everyone interested is more than welcome!

(I sort of want to tell everyone "I'm so sorry that you need this too!" ❤)

[sauscony]

* I'm thankful I have a therapy light to make the dark months bearable
* I've been very crafty lately and one of my tiny dollhouses is almost done
* I'm not having any issues with my menstrual cycle or anything, so despite my age, I should be able to get pregnant
* Thank you to everyone responsible for the most awesome show in the universe: Farscape! I've watched it twice in the past year and a half and it makes me better
* I'm grateful that my spouse has finally come around and makes more time for us and our house, plus he's been so supportive from day one and gives me unconditional love
* Thanks to Mother Nature for providing caffeine. Just one cup of green tea per day vastly improves my energy levels and has allowed me to get a lot of my house clean
* I'm relieved and comfortable now that the spouse has had a stable job for a year after losing two jobs last year
* Books keep me sane and I have a never-ending supply of them to read
* My cats are like little furry balls of therapy, thanks kitties for taking care of me
* I've been dabbling with my book in progress lately and have the occasional day when I actually think I could finish it
* and most of all, I'm over the moon that my meds for my Crohn's not only work, but have caused so few side effects (and I'm not going to dwell on the fact that one can cause cancer because it's usually in much higher dosages than I'm taking)

[silveradept]

Things always tend to break in small and inexpensive manners. It's frustrating that so much breaks, but it's nice that they're considerate about my finances...

I am not staring over the cliff with the rocks of penury far too close for comfort. It will take a right proper disaster to do that.

I do not have a boss that is actively trying to get me fired anymore.

And, perhaps most importantly, there are people that think I'm a good person. And they say nice things about me. One of these days I will believe them fully.

[majoline]

*hugs* Glad to hear things are working out for you.

[majoline]

I am thankful that I am still here. I've eaten today. My kitchen is relatively clean and I have food. I'm warm. My mom is coming to help clean a little more Thursday.

I keep getting lovely cards from all my DW friends :)

And I'm proud of the fact that I made a fantastic loaf of bread!

Gratitude List

[fivendime]

Between post break-up, leaving a bad job, and winter looming, I'm feeling quite low. But I know that this too shall pass. I'm grateful for...

* dreamwidth- lists like these give me hope when I'm feeling socially isolated
*my LIghtbox, to get me through the many gray days in my current hometown
* family reaching out to support me (this must mean they are really worried, but it warms
my heart to know that people care)
* feeling more comfortable in social situations
* accepting that members of my immediate family show love in the way they know how
* In social situations, I'm grateful that I can sink into feeling like "these people are good people, some of them might like me, even if they aren't quite 'my people'...we surely have some commonalities!"
* occasionally going to yoga
*warm blankets
* met with my therapist, and she wants to see me 2x week (this makes me happy, I like her)
* making slow progress on the guitar

Finally, despite my sense that my depression has reared it's ugliest head due to a recent break-up, I'm very grateful that I am out of a relationship which was not working for me.

As a side note, I've found a lot of help from a small paperback written by neuropsychologist Rick Hanson. It's called Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice At a Time.

Rick also has an e-newsletter called Just One Thing...and it's always a joyful, uplifting read.

My heart goes out all.... we 'gon make it!

Re: Gratitude List

[erika]

That book sounds amazing. I'm totally looking it up!

[jb_slasher]

Fuck you, brain weasels, because I finished my thesis and that means I will get my degree. Suck on that, lemonface weasels!

[silveradept]

*cheer!* Congratulations! What level and field, if we may ask?