NaBloPoMo Day 8: Honoring the Season with Intent

[untonuggan]

content note: religion (Paganism), spiritual manipulation/abuse (not many particulars discussed, more about healing from this)

I'm a hesitant Pagan due to some, for lack of a better word, spiritual abuse I encountered early on in my practice. It was manipulative as fuck and is taking me quite awhile to venture forth into Pagan practice again, even as a solitary. It's as though that spiritual element of myself got burned, badly, and the healing requires accommodations on my part as to how I practice so I don't reopen any wounds. Or that if I do reopen wounds, they're in a controlled environment and don't spiral out of control.

That being said: how dare he take that element of my life and corrupt it so? How dare he? And so I am making a conscious effort, at this time of the year which is always so tinged with both joy and sorrow for me, to take small acts and do them with the intent of being present, reaching out to my Goddess, and simply experiencing the turning of the Wheel.

For my own brain records (because, curiously or perhaps not, trauma tends to blur memory), here's what I have done recently with the intent of honoring this season of mists and mellow fruitfulness:

1. eaten Pomegranate seeds and drunk goat's milk


2. begun knitting an afghan, a long term project that I hope will be a thing of snuggly healing for me (and at the same time, I'm giving myself permission to stop if I need to and turn the squares into pillow covers or something)


3. lit a fire, and am sitting by it right now


4. written seasonal poetry


5. listening to the yoga station on Pandora


6. attempting to make Christmas Cake using a recipe that my gran gave me over the phone (and it's a very thinky recipe, because it doesn't include very many instructions. So I may just "have" to make several cakes. Oh no!)


7. gone for walks in the cold and listened to the silence and lack of frogs, cicadas, and the like


8. gone for walks when the weather turns warm and listened to the sudden surge of birdsong and cicadas and the like


9. working on making my brain space safe for me again (through trauma therapy and EMDR). this is probably more than a season's work

Comments

[jelazakazone]

GO YOU!

Also, I think your snake quilt that you made is highly spiritual. Or it is to me. Is it possible you are practicing spiritually and not recognizing it? <3

[untonuggan]

probably am, but I'd like to practice with intent again - to consciously make it part of my daily life. is sensemaking? and yes, quilt was consciously spiritual I suppose in the symbolism. :P

[jelazakazone]

Ah yes. Practicing with intent. Sensemaking very much so. I think I've shied away from that for a long time, to be honest.

[untonuggan]

♥ there are many reasons to shy away from it that are also sensemaking. ♥

[syntaxofthings]

This is such an inspiring, healing, wonderful post. Yes. It's time for me to make sure I'm healing my soul as well. It is time.

[untonuggan]

♥ *cheers you on*

[cadenzamuse]

It sounds like you are really making space for worship in all sorts of lovely ways.

A blessed season to you!

[untonuggan]

Thank you, and to you as well (if that is how you roll, which I think it is). ^_^

[majoline]

*offers hugs and support* Wishing you all the best for this season and may your worship be good for you and the Goddess ♥

[untonuggan]

*accepts hugs and support, offers hugs back* *incorporates some Buddhism* may my worship benefit all beings, and may all beings find peace

[eruanna]

You have many lovely thoughts here; thank you for sharing. It is wonderful that you have chosen to do what is best for you, and not be pressured by others.

My own beliefs are not very accepted where I live. I am a spiritual person, but not very religious, and very uncomfortable with organized religion of any sort. I respect everyone who lives by what they believe, whether we have beliefs in common or not. A few years ago, we moved to a place where the majority of people go to a certain church and are hostile to anyone they can't convert (like us). It's made me wary, and even more of a loner than I already was. I don't really identify with any accepted religion, but do find much of my spiritual comfort outdoors, in solitude, so I appreciate your thoughts. :)

[untonuggan]

Thank you for sharing yours as well. *ponders*

[shanaqui]

♥

[untonuggan]

♥

[brigid]

Good luck on reclaiming your healthy spirituality. Spiritual abuse is vile and I'm so, so sorry you endured it.

[untonuggan]

♥ thank you ♥