NaBloPoMo Day 21: The EMDR saga continues

[untonuggan]

I wrote previously about EMDR and processing a very intense memory of trauma. It was a really frelling amazing golden day, and I also want to share some of the other aspects of life going through trauma therapy so it's not all from the perpsective of "just that one day."

I'm using a list form because that's the kind of mood my brain is in:

• After I deal with a memory, sometimes other memories that I thought weren't "big deals" come back stronger and in sharper focus. It's as though my brain only has X capacity to hold trauma in conscious thought, but there is a wellspring of it to deal with.
• At first this was overwhelming, but I have a EMDR-method to cope with this. I have a visualization of a "container" to put these memories in (e.g. a locked box) that is behind me, and I can get them out again when I want to (such as in therapy)
• Using the container system to deal with memories is immensely freeing and empowering in and of itself.
• My brain is apparently doing some of the reprocessing on its own now, as I'm actually having the occasional dream where, say, my abuser apologizes for what he did. WHAT EVEN.
• I am able to think about all kinds of things I wasn't able to think about before, and talk about things I couldn't talk about before, without having panic attacks.

And there's still a lot more to do, I know it, I know how many memories I have and I can see how deep those scars are.

I can also picture a time when I'm not triggered by stairwells or showers, as that's beginning to happen. When I started this course of therapy I never thought I'd get anywhere close to where I am now. Now, I can see how much further I can heal.
Note: YMMV, these are only my experiences