NaBloPoMo Day 21: The EMDR saga continues

[untonuggan]

I wrote previously about EMDR and processing a very intense memory of trauma. It was a really frelling amazing golden day, and I also want to share some of the other aspects of life going through trauma therapy so it's not all from the perpsective of "just that one day."

I'm using a list form because that's the kind of mood my brain is in:

• After I deal with a memory, sometimes other memories that I thought weren't "big deals" come back stronger and in sharper focus. It's as though my brain only has X capacity to hold trauma in conscious thought, but there is a wellspring of it to deal with.
• At first this was overwhelming, but I have a EMDR-method to cope with this. I have a visualization of a "container" to put these memories in (e.g. a locked box) that is behind me, and I can get them out again when I want to (such as in therapy)
• Using the container system to deal with memories is immensely freeing and empowering in and of itself.
• My brain is apparently doing some of the reprocessing on its own now, as I'm actually having the occasional dream where, say, my abuser apologizes for what he did. WHAT EVEN.
• I am able to think about all kinds of things I wasn't able to think about before, and talk about things I couldn't talk about before, without having panic attacks.

And there's still a lot more to do, I know it, I know how many memories I have and I can see how deep those scars are.

I can also picture a time when I'm not triggered by stairwells or showers, as that's beginning to happen. When I started this course of therapy I never thought I'd get anywhere close to where I am now. Now, I can see how much further I can heal.
Note: YMMV, these are only my experiences

Comments

[brigid]

I've never done EMDR but the visualization of putting things into boxes is something that I've been using for a while.

Also, it hugely sucks how INNOCUOUS things can become huge triggers. Ugh ugh ugh. Stairwells, television on at 2am, a wheeled office chair rolling overhead. Boo.

[untonuggan]

+1

[raze]

Interesting about visualizing. I have always had difficulties with this like this, but I created The Deadlands universe as a way of representing and working through some of the more troubling aspects of my psyche, and belting out prose in that 'verse is sometimes helpful.

I'm really glad to hear this therapy continues to help you, more importantly.

[untonuggan]

That is interesting about your writing universe and visualization. Thank you for sharing :D

I am ALSO very glad the therapy is helping. <3

[geeksdoitbetter]

hooray!!!

that's totally a golden day, go you for all the hard work!

(special note to all future lizcommotions who are re reading this while very sad: lookit! you did an amazing thing one time, by taking it a bit at a time!)

[untonuggan]

Thanks especially for the note to future lizcommotions!

[kaberett]

<333