untonuggan | NaBloPoMo Day 21: The EMDR saga continues (Reply)

I wrote previously about EMDR and processing a very intense memory of trauma. It was a really frelling amazing golden day, and I also want to share some of the other aspects of life going through trauma therapy so it's not all from the perpsective of "just that one day."

I'm using a list form because that's the kind of mood my brain is in:

After I deal with a memory, sometimes other memories that I thought weren't "big deals" come back stronger and in sharper focus. It's as though my brain only has X capacity to hold trauma in conscious thought, but there is a wellspring of it to deal with.
At first this was overwhelming, but I have a EMDR-method to cope with this. I have a visualization of a "container" to put these memories in (e.g. a locked box) that is behind me, and I can get them out again when I want to (such as in therapy)
Using the container system to deal with memories is immensely freeing and empowering in and of itself.
My brain is apparently doing some of the reprocessing on its own now, as I'm actually having the occasional dream where, say, my abuser apologizes for what he did. WHAT EVEN.
I am able to think about all kinds of things I wasn't able to think about before, and talk about things I couldn't talk about before, without having panic attacks.

And there's still a lot more to do, I know it, I know how many memories I have and I can see how deep those scars are.

I can also picture a time when I'm not triggered by stairwells or showers, as that's beginning to happen. When I started this course of therapy I never thought I'd get anywhere close to where I am now. Now, I can see how much further I can heal.
Note: YMMV, these are only my experiences