Poem: "Up/Down" response to Poetree's Challenge #3...

[untonuggan]

...and also jjhunter 's dare that I enter. This idea has actually been kicking around in my brain since Friday, and it turns out a poem was the perfect way to express it. The following is an etheree, which is a very fun poem to write.

"Up/Down"

up
pedal
pump up hill
keep beat with breath
don't stop, don't think just
feel body flow breathe in
still on the edge of the hill
mockingbird breathes its soulmate's song
warbling in time with legs' up down
crescendo and crest the hill, fly back down


poem cross-posted to bicycles 

Comments

[jjhunter]

Oh, this is lovely, gorgeous & deep. That final line especially

crescendo and crest the hill, fly back down

gives me the wonder goosebumps.

[untonuggan]

Thank you! I was wondering how to express some of the zen I was feeling on a bike ride I went on recently, because I was trying to use a lot of mindfulness techniques while I was riding. (Admittedly, partly so I could better deal with the burning sensation in my legs and hindquarters...)

I'm glad you got the wonder goosebumps! I like that line, too.

[alee_grrl]

How perfect! I can feel the rhythm and work of riding a bicycle uphill. These lines really got me, the imagery is so beautiful mockingbird breathes its soulmate's song/warbling in time with legs' up down. Well done!

[untonuggan]

Thank you! It was one of those times when the poem just flows. ^_^

[ariestess]

I would have sworn I'd commented on this already, but clearly I dreamed that, since it's not here. *rolls eyes at self*

You did a really nice job of making a very real moment in this poem. I was able to feel my muscles straining as I imagined myself on that bike. Really nicely done. And I absolutely loved the "mockingbird breathes its soulmate's song" line.

[untonuggan]

Hee, it's okay, I have a lot of phantom comments like that floating around. I appreciate the feedback. ^_^

[ariestess]

You're welcome!

[lynnoconnacht]

Oh, how delightful! Such a wonderful sense of rhythm and motion in this. <3 It really reads like it's going up a hill and then down. *applauds*

[untonuggan]

Thank you!